Child Adopting (The Gist)
- There are two main ways to adopt a newborn within the United States: through an agency or a private attorney. The latter is referred to as an “independent” or “private” adoption.
- International adoption is becoming less common and more difficult, but an accredited adoption agency or professional can help you navigate the process.
- Adopting through foster care is essentially free and comes with support — but make sure you have the capacity to help a foster child succeed.
- If you are exploring the possibility of adopting a child with a different background from your own, educate yourself on the nuances involved in forming a transracial or transcultural family.
- All adoptive parents must complete a “home study,” the process that will clear your way to being able to legally adopt.
- Most adoptions today have some degree of contact between birth and adoptive families. Just how “open” your arrangement is will be determined via a negotiated process.
- Adoption can cost as much as $50,000 — but resources exist to help offset some expenses.
The process of adopting can be a long, complicated and emotional ride, with far more legal and financial roadblocks than many people assume. But, as most adoptive parents will tell you, it’s also a deeply fulfilling journey. There are three main paths to adopting in the United States: through the foster care system, with the help of a local adoption agency or private attorney, and internationally. The route you choose will ultimately be based on a number of personal, legal and financial factors. For this guide, I interviewed five adoption experts to gain insight into each of the main ways people adopt, along with a number of practical considerations prospective adoptive parents should be aware of at the outset of the process.
Know your reasons for adopting — and accept your limits.
Before embarking on an adoption process, you should be clear about your motivations for doing so. “This is a lifelong decision you’re making,” said Rita Soronen, president and C.E.O. of the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption, so it’s important to be honest about any specific needs you may have. Any limit you identify should not be construed as a “failure,” Soronen clarified. “It’s an honest personal assessment.” Below are some of the more common questions adoption experts suggest you explore to help identify whether and which kind of adoption is right for you:
- Is it important to you to parent a newborn, or are you open to adopting an older child? How about a sibling group?
- Would your home be an appropriate fit for a child with special needs? Or an infant who was exposed prenatally to drugs and alcohol?
- If you are matched with a child of another race or background, are you prepared to educate yourself on the nuances of forming an interracial or intercultural family?
- How much contact are you comfortable having between you and your adopted child, and his or her birth family?
There are tons of resources available online to explore these and many other issues related to adoption. The federal government’s Child Welfare Information Gateway provides free resources on a wide variety of topics and is a good place to start your research. A number of well-regarded non-profit resources exist as well, including: AdoptUsKids, Creating a Family, the National Council for Adoption, and the North American Council on Adoptable Children.
Decide which adoption path is right for you.
Foster-adopt: According to the United States Children’s Bureau, there are over 440,000 children in the foster care system, over a quarter of who have been legally “freed” for adoption. This makes foster care “a very real option” for prospective adoptive parents, said Laurie Goldheim, Adoption Director for the Academy of Adoption and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys (A.A.A.A.). While children who have not been legally “freed” may eventually become eligible for adoption, Goldheim stresses that the government’s primary goal in these instances is to reunite the children with their biological families.
“These children are in foster care for a reason,” said Soronen of the Dave Thomas Foundation. Most are school-aged children over the age of 8 who have suffered some form of trauma or neglect. The Child Welfare Information Gateway has some resources to help prepare foster-adopt parents for the realities of parenting a child who has experienced grief.
But the best training you’ll receive, according to Soronen, comes once you’ve begun the certification process. “Every parent is required to complete a home study and 20 to 30 hours of training,” she said. “It’s time-consuming, but very educational.” Soronen says this process can also serves as a “reality check” for parents, meaning you’ll have “plenty of opportunities to decide whether foster-adopt is right for you.” As a first step, she recommends simply making a call to a certified foster care agency to begin the conversation.
Domestic infant adoption: If you hope to parent a newborn, there are two main paths to doing so: through an adoption agency or a private adoption lawyer—the latter is often referred to as an “independent” or “private” adoption. “Which you choose will really just depend on how involved you want to be in the process,” said Deborah E. Guston, former Director of the A.A.A.A. An adoption agency, she explained, typically manages all aspects of the adoption process for you, from start to finish. If you adopt independently, you will be responsible for aspects an agency would normally handle, like finding a prospective birth parent through advertising, and hiring an agency to conduct your home study. “Independent adoptions are usually good for people who want to be deeply involved in the process,” Guston said. “Those who don’t mind ceding control may prefer the comfort of an agency.” Independent adoption isn’t legal in all states, and even where available, restrictions often apply. Consult an experienced adoption lawyer for help navigating the laws in your state.
International adoption: Adopting abroad has been steadily declining in recent years, thanks to the closure of several countries’ international adoption programs. Still, thousands of parents successfully adopt children from abroad each year. The process for doing so can vary considerably by country. “Some restrict who can adopt based on marital status, sexual orientation, or age,” said Goldheim of the A.A.A.A. “Even your body mass index can play a role.” You can visit the U.S. Department of State’s page on intercountry adoption to familiarize yourself with individual countries’ adoption laws — be sure to keep checking back since laws can change rapidly. An accredited provider will be necessary to guide you through the process.
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